Tips for When Your Spouse is Chronically Ill

My husband has Psoriatic Arthritis. This invisible illness is quite a challenge for us. Here are some ideas that may help you if your spouse has a chronic invisible illness.

1. Make sure you have a support system. For me, this is my family and a few close friends. You may want to utilize a Sunday School teacher, a counselor, or a support group for caregivers. Check out Rest Ministries Hope Keepers.

2. Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat right, have a hobby. The healthier you are spiritually, mentally, and physically, the better you will be able to help your spouse.

3. Educate yourself. Read everything the doctors gives you. Do research on the internet. Read up on your health insurance. Get to know your pharmacist and ask them questions about your spouse’s meds. Knowledge is power.

4. Remember it is okay to be sad. It is perfectly alright to feel upset about your situation sometimes. We are to weep with those who weep.

5. With chronic illness, you and your spouse may need to get professional counseling to help you cope. Check out the Minirth Clinic or New Life Live for recommendations for Christian counselors.

6. Figure out what you CAN do. Maybe you and your spouse will never be able to go dancing again, but you could go to a concert. Maybe you’re like us, and you can’t go to the movies, but you can watch Netflix! Get a movie size candy from the grocery store and a bottle of Diet Coke. Make it fun.

7. Research alternative medicine, such as chiropractic care, massage therapy, diet and supplements. Even if there isn’t a cure for your spouse’s invisible illness, perhaps they can get some temporary relief from Epsom salts in a hot bath.

8. Talk to your spouse. Ask them what they’re thinking. Find out what their concerns are. Ask them how you can help. And a few weeks later, ask again. I’m always surprised at how my husband can change his mind about things from month to month.

9. Get life insurance. Who would care for your spouse if something were to happen to you?

10. Maybe your spouse can’t do everything they used to. But maybe they don’t mind if you still engage in those activities. Your spouse might love to take a nap while you’re wakeboarding.

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness week is a wonderful way to educate family and friends about the struggles people with invisible chronic illnesses face.

A Young Wife has been married for three years. She and her husband have a dog named Henry that they spoil rotten. A Young Wife is a housewife that loves Diet Coke and dessert. Eighteen months ago, her husband was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. This debilitating invisible chronic illness is quite a struggle for them. Visit her blog here!

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When Your Spouse Doesn’t Believe You are Ill

The doctor couldn’t find anything wrong with her, despite her complaints about pain and extreme fatigue. He left the room and her husband came back a few minutes later.

Hi, Honey,” she replied to her spouse, as she carefully reached out for his hand. But he didn’t reach out to take her outstretched hand; he just let it sit there empty on the scratchy hospital blanket. He looked at her with tired eyes, full of frustration.

“The doctor said that there is nothing wrong,” he said. “I think maybe you’ve just been making all of this up the last year.”

She was heartbroken and pulled her hand back. He was her lifeline, the one thing that was getting her through all of this. He was the only person who she trusted would always believe her, understand and offer love and sympathy. And now he thought she’d been deceptive, lying about her pain.

Unfortunately, this scenario is a true story… and all too familiar for many couples. Illness can have a devastating effect on relationships, especially when it is invisible, difficult to diagnose, and hard to even understand. So what’s the answer if your spouse doubts that you have an illness? While there are no easy answers or tips that will guarantee results, here are a few ideas to make the journey easier.

1. Pray. Rather than praying as a last resort, start praying first. Ask God to give your spouse wisdom and discernment, especially regarding your illness. Pray that God will send people into your spouse’s life that can be a godly influence, such as other spouses of people with illness. Pray for a diagnosis so that you can have the benefit of the medical world on your side.
2. Allow your spouse some time to see that the illness is real. Don’t expect him/her to be convinced by what you say. Let him/her see how you are over a period of time.
3. Surround yourself with supportive people who do understand that you have an illness and it’s implications. Join a support group or a womens bible study. Ask for prayer for your marriage. Let others encourage you and stand by you when you need the emotional support. See a pastor if you need to talk to someone about your marriage and the effect his or her doubts are having on the relationship.
4. Refrain from trying to do more than you should physically. Every time you do too much you are sending signals that you are able to do more, even though only you will know how much you will pay for it later in pain.
5. Do the research on your illness or symptoms and continue to fight for a diagnosis. If you already know what your illness is, get as much information on it as possible and keep well-informed.
6. Invite your spouse to accompany you to a support group meeting, a workshop or conference on your illness. Explain to him that you just want to find out more information about this illness, and that he might find it interesting.

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Reprinted from …And He Will Give You Rest, Volume II, Issue 9. © *Now called HopeKeepers

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