When Illness Hits a Young Married Couple

By Ashley

My husband, David, and I are in a somewhat unique situation with our invisible chronic illness. Although I am the caregiver, and he is the one with debilitating pain from Psoriatic Arthritis, he is the one that goes to work every day. David is a computer programmer. He sometimes works from home, and his schedule is somewhat flexible. We are blessed that he has a job he can perform even with his disability.

My job is to do everything I possibly can so that going to work is all that David has to do. I call his doctors, pick up prescriptions, duke it out with the insurance company, walk the dog, clean the house, prepare meals according to his dietary needs, get the oil changed, etc. I do it all so that when David gets home at night, he can rest. Dinner is usually ready, and he can lie on the couch watching a movie or playing on his laptop.

I used to get frustrated that David was disabled instead of me. I could be the sick one. I’m home all day anyway. David’s a great husband. He’d take care of me.

I used to think that . . .

Until David finally told me that if I was the sick one, he’d still have to go to work, and then come home and do most of the things I do for him. (Which is exactly what many caregivers have to do.) If I had his arthritis pain, I wouldn’t be able to walk the dog or grocery shop any more. David said it’s really better this way. God knows exactly what he’s doing. I may not always understand or trust God the way I should, but he is sovereign.

Matthew 10:28-31 (NIV) says, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

I asked David what advice he would give another couple with chronic illness. His answer is one I can’t top:

“There are days when I’m in terrible pain, and Ashley goes out of her way to help me. Then there are days when I’m in terrible pain, and I go out of my way to help Ashley.”

“A Young Wife” suffers from TMJ Disorder. She loves Diet Coke and spoiling her dog, Henry. In February of 2008, her husband, David, was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. Having a chronic illnesses as a young married couple has changed their lives. Visit her web site, A Young Wife for more encouragement.

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The Hardest Part is that People Just Forget Our Illness

The worst part about invisible illness, for me anyway, is that people forget. If you have a broken foot, people see the cast and remember. No one knows I have TMJ Disorder just by looking at me. When I’m eating in public, I feel like I should wear a sign: My momma raised me right. I’m trying to chew with my mouth closed but my jaw doesn’t work properly.

Chewing gum is absolutely forbidden when you have jaw trouble. Yet, even close family members still offer me gum, and I’ve had TMJ Disorderfor five years.

My husband, David, has severe Psoriatic Arthritis. Folks look at him and see a healthy young man. People that know David well forget how bad he’s hurting because he doesn’t use a cane or a wheel chair.

One example in particular sticks out in my mind of how easily we forget about people with invisible illness. David and I both see several of the same doctors. One day, I saw one of our mutual doctors who had just seen David a few moments before.

He was asking me how my day had been, and I mentioned my mother, mother-in-law, and I had trimmed the trees in my front yard. The doctor said, “Hey, be careful. David’s going to be upset you’re doing his job!”

Oh, how quickly we forget.

Even I forget sometimes and ask David to move a piece of furniture. Or, someone will invite us to do something like attend a Mavericks game, and I accept the invitation, only to realize later that there’s no way my husband can handle that much walking, let alone sitting in a hard metal chair for hours.

I always feel so guilty when I forget. David is bedridden at times. How could I forget he has a chronic illness like arthritis? How could I suggest he wakeboard a few months after a weekend of having to dress him?

People forget. God does not.

Isaiah 44:21 (NIV)
“Remember these things, O Jacob, for you are my servant, O Israel. I have made you, you are my servant; O Israel, I will not forget you.

Isaiah 49:15 (NIV)
“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!

We are so blessed that God is not only omniscient, but God actually cares about his children’s troubles.

It’s okay if you forget that I have TMJ Disorder or David has arthritis. But please, try to be kind and considerate to everyone. You never know what they’re going through or what invisible illness they may have.

National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness week is a great way to educate friends, family and churches. Many people think that only elderly people get sick, or that having a chronic illness means you did something wrong.

A Young Wife suffers from TMJ Disorder. She loves Diet Coke and dessert. She and her husband David were high school sweethearts. They have a dog named Henry that they spoil rotten. In February of 2008 David was diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. Having a chronic illnesses has changed their lives. It is a strain on them financially and emotionally. Visit her blog here!

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